Unlived Love
By Joan Heartfield. Ph.D.

A dear friend reminded me that we have all been wounded in some way by what he calls unlived love.  As we find those pockets within us, where we yearned to love, but were not able to give or receive it in the way we wished, we experience pain. It is the pain of love that was not freely given—or love that was not returned.  Most devastating of all, perhaps, is remembering how we ourselves could have given love, but held back because we did  not recognize what was needed in that moment.

We are not to blame—nor was anyone else. We have all given and received as much love as we could along the way. We have all been hurt, and pulled back and shut down the light of our love sometime in our lives. The challenge is, when we are in our personal drama (that comes from feeling pain), we sometimes forget why we came here. This is the time to begin to realize it is only through living our love that we will ever feel who we are and why we are here.

How do we do this? We turn our attention to what we want. It might begin with simply wanting ease and peace. We focus there, and let that desire pull us into finding harmony. At some point we realize we need and want connection. We begin to remember our purpose; that is, to give and receive as much love as we can. When we can finally focus on the truth of this, it is often a time for forgiveness, surrender, and celebration.

Love exists to remind us that when we let our hearts lead, we can better feel the sense that we are all in this together. When our hearts are open, we can more easily feel a sense of oneness. We are here to see and experience love in all its dimensions and allow it to penetrate into our deepest denial, so we can reclaim our essential self.

As we remember and retrieve our unlived and unexpressed love, and are willing to feel both the pain and the longing of it, we can allow that longing to illuminate our truth. The truth is, we all long to feel love. As we follow this longing, we see that we simply are the love in our hearts.

As we sink into this truth, we realize that this then, is the way to live our love. We want our heart to awaken to the love that we are. This love can then live in us and through us, enlivening us, and vitalizing those around us. Regardless then, of those who may come and go, we can forever and fully live our love.

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