Boosting a Flagging Sex Life After Birth
By Joan Heartfield, Ph.D. and Tomas Heartfield, Certified Tantric Educator.
What can be done to give a couple’s love life a lift after having a baby?
The most important thing a couple can do to enhance their desire for one another post birth is to treat each other with respect and understanding.
The father needs to understand it is natural for the mother to need rest for a while after giving birth. Although it is completely natural it takes a great deal of energy to grow a baby, go through the intensity of labor and delivery, and then care for the infant after it is born.
When a woman feels understood and honored, she feels cherished. Hug her and let her know how precious she is to you; touch her body with healing intention; massage her and help her relax deeply into her true nature; see the beauty of the Divine Mother radiating through her and beam that beauty back to her through your own eyes; show your appreciation for her in your thoughts, words and deeds.
When you do make love the first time after the birth, create a sacred ceremony. Be conscious and conscientious in the way you re-establish your sexual relationship. Know that her yoni, her sacred space, needs to be touched slowly and tenderly. Make this a precious time to remember!
The mother needs to understand that the father of her child wants to know he is loved. Caring for a baby is so absorbing that a woman sometimes forgets her man needs quality time and attention from her.
When a man feels deeply respected and appreciated for what he is able to give, he relaxes. Men need to know they are needed and valued, not only for the protection and support they give, but also for their sexual energy. Touch him and tell him how sexy he is; thank him for understanding your need to take a break and let him know that as soon as you feel up to it, you want to make love again; realize that this child will be with you for a relatively brief time while your husband is your lifetime companion; give him the time and attention he needs, and let him know how special he is to you.
Energy runs differently in men and women. A man feels love through his lingam, his “wand of light”. A woman feels love through her heart. When a man communicates his love in a way that opens a woman’s heart, it opens her to the possibility of a sexual connection. When a woman lets her desire for her man show through her touch and her smile, she endears him to her.
A communication technology such as Compassionate Communication, developed by Marshall Rosenberg, is a wonderful tool to help bring the passion back. The more simply we can communicate our feelings and needs, without blame or judgment, the easier and more joyful life becomes.
Learning to listen with empathy is the other side of communication. Being heard and understood is a turn on for both men and women.
It all boils down to consideration. When we really care about another, we want to understand their feelings and needs, and we want to be understood as well. When we feel understood, we can relax. Sexual energy flows best when we are in a peaceful state. Plus, you will be healthier, happier and passionately harmonious!