How can I love you as perfectly as I can?

Joan and Tomas Heartfield, and Pono

That is the question we have been asking ourselves and each other since 1996.

“Hey, if you really want to know how to love me perfectly, I’ll tell you. First, you can listen. I mean, really listen. Don’t interrupt me, defend yourself or make me wrong for wanting what I want. Let me say it all, then I’ll listen to you. Let’s have a real conversation about what we each feel and want. It seems like we both want connection, ease, harmony, passion and joy. Let’s find a strategy that works for us both. How’s that for a start?”

Wouldn’t it be great if it were that easy? It’s not always that easy for us, either, but many times it is.

When we met in 1995 in the jungles of Ecuador, we had no idea our coming together would birth a new experience of how to have an ongoing beloved relationship. Over the years we discovered that we had to, as Socrates said, “Know thyself.” We dove into our  feelings and desires, and learned to share them without blame and judgment. We leaned how to navigate conflict by deeply listening to one another. We found what most enlivened us individually and took responsibility for our own joy so we could bring our best to each other.

So who are we?  Individual souls connected to the oneness and awake to the miracle of life; grateful little monkeys in awe of the flow of divine intelligence; and wise beings gifted with the ability to see the truth and stand for it.

“Because of my exposure to your work, I was able to take everyone to a new more embodied level in my own work. I am very grateful both personally and for what I am now able to offer others.”
~ Tim Freke, Hay House author

Joan Heartfield Biography PortraitJoan Heartfield

Joan Heartfield, Ph.D. is author of Romancing The Beloved, A Sacred Sexual Adventure Into Love and co-author of Sage Advice, Resolving Challenges in Love Relationships. With Tomas she co-directs Talking Hearts,  a juicy, heart centered approach to sacred sexuality, communication, relationships and spiritual evolution.

Joan began her professional career in 1969 with an MFA in Dance, Drama and Theatre from the University of Hawaii.  Shortly thereafter, she migrated to Maui where she taught creative Dance, Drama and Theater, Tai Chi Ch'uan and Hatha Yoga.  In 1980 she received her MA in Clinical Psychology from Antioch West, and also became the Director for The University for Humanistic Studies, Maui Branch.

She earned a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology in 1985, from The Professional School for Psychological Studies, and upon completion of a three-year training program from Dr. Stanislav Grof, became a certified Holotropic Breathworker.

Since 1997, Joan and her husband Tomas have facilitated Opening To Love Ceremonies for men and women, and for eight years they led a lively group for singles called Conversations That Matter. As a result of this group, they developed an online course entitled Attracting A Beloved.

From 2005-2012 Joan was the director of The Divine Feminine Institute.  Joan and Tomas have taught at Esalen and Kripalu Institutes as well as given trainings and workshops nationally and internationally.

Joan has been a counselor, writer, and workshop leader since 1980, and is passionate about empowering women and men in heart intelligence, deep intimacy, sacred sexuality, compassionate communication and radiant health.

Joan Heartfield has a PhD in Counseling Psychology, an MA in Clinical Psychology, and an MFA in Dance, Drama and Theatre. She is a Certified Holotropic Breathworker, having trained directly with Dr. Stanislav Grof. She is a Certified Heart Intelligence facilitator, and has done extensive training in Voice Dialogue with Hal and Sidra Stone. She is the author of Romancing The Beloved, A Sacred Sexual Adventure into Love.

"Joan- more than any other person in my life, you have moved me to tears of love, joy and gratitude because of your incredibly elevated and enlightened love and your beautiful expression of it.  As you know, nothing feels more beautiful than to be SEEN, LOVED and HONORED by someone else.  And you do all those things with more depth, grace, and eloquence than anyone I've ever met."

Bruce, Web Designer

Tomas HeartfieldTomas Heartfield

Tomas is the co-author of Sage Advice, Resolving Challenges in Love Relationships  and the co-director of Talking Hearts. With his background in education, herbal knowledge, anti-aging, horticulture, Tantric and Taoist studies, bodywork and the healing arts, Tomas has learned how to bring more energy and life force into the creative process. He lives life to the fullest, and enjoys sharing his knowledge with friends and clients.

He creates beauty in the natural environment by planting trees and food, and his grounding presence is a comfort to those around him.

Tomas created the Awakened Masculine program and was core faculty of the Divine Feminine Institute from 2005-2012. He teaches men how to fuse and harmonize their sexual energy with their life purpose. Synthesizing Taoist and Tantric disciplines with Compassionate Communication, Heart Math, Heart Intelligence, and non-dual understanding, Tomas guides men into the refinement of their life force,  to create deeper intimacy and love in their relationships.

Tomas educates men and women in sacred sexuality. He uses a combination of healing modalities to change core beliefs and heal sexual wounding, shame and guilt.

Tomas and Joan developed Romancing the Beloved workshops for couples, Conversations that Matter for singles, Opening to Love Ceremonies, and a Certification Program for Spiritual Sexual Educators through the Divine Feminine Institute.

Teachers and mentors that Tomas has been influenced by include: Michael Harner, John Gray, Joanna Macy, Barbara Marx Hubbard, Robert Bly, Swami Satchidananda,Vishnu Devananda, & Rev. Noel Street who he assisted and taught seminars with through Unity Church.

Tomas Heartfield is a Certified Heart Intelligence facilitator and a Certified Sexuality Educator in the Tantric and Taoist traditions. a Viet Nam Vet, and a pioneer in the Men’s Work, creating an Awakened Masculine program for men. He and Joan were co-directors of the Divine Feminine-Awakened Masculine Institute for seven years. They also wrote a successful Relationship Advice column for the Maui Bulletin. Tomas’ teachers and mentors include; Michael Harner, John Gray, Joanna Macy, Barbara Marx Hubbard, Robert Bly, Swami Satchidananda,Vishnu Devananda, & Rev. Noel Street.

My sessions with Tomas were extraordinary and transformative. I am a doubter, a person who lives in her head, who is afraid of feeling. What a path this has started me on!  Now I feel what I have been numbing all these years. I feel what it would be to have a beloved and commune with him on all levels. I know that if conditions were right, the soil properly tended, I would be safe to express myself fully.  I know what it feels like to be received. I feel more open physically and emotionally.  I feel safe to be me.


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