Keeping the Romance and Passion Alive in a Long-Term Relationship

So Joan, how does one keep the romance and passion alive in a long-term relationship?

Passion and romance, two of my favorite things to talk about.

First of all, in order to keep any type of passion and romance alive, you have to have it there to begin with because I work with couples where they really did not have passion and romance and they kept trying to get it, they kept trying to make it happen and if  wasn’t ever there, they could not access it but, if you have it or if you once had it and then you want to, let’s say, recreate it, or breathe life into it again, then, you simply begin to appreciate what it is that is really in your heart about your partner. You start with that sense of like “Wow! Who is this person? Why did I get together with them to begin with? What was it that drew me to them? And if I remember that and I remember to communicate my appreciation for who they are, that immediately lifts them up and makes them want to, let’s say, bring more of that into the relationship.

I think it is also we have to keep the passion alive in ourselves, we have to like, almost romance, the Beloved, let’s say, in ourselves. For instance, today I went for a swim and that is one of the ways I keep my own passion alive because, if I am not doing my yoga or swimming or walking or doing something where I feel really alive, what can I bring to my partner?

So that is one of the main things too, is to make sure that we keep ourselves passionately alive in what we love to do, and make sure that we bring that to the relationship, and then to really discover what is it that turns our partner on, and to bring that in as much as we possibly can. Because when they really feel loved, when our partner really feels loved and valued by us and seen by us, then he or she wants to show up in a way that also really nourishes us.

So pick that, I call it like that endless figure 8, know where the energy goes up, the energy comes back, the energy goes up, the energy comes back, I have to make sure I am putting enough energy into myself personally so that I keep my passion alive as does my partner and then we bring that to one another in a way that is truly a gift.