Category Archives: TalkingHearts TV

Keeping the Romance and Passion Alive in a Long-Term Relationship

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Keeping the Romance and Passion Alive in a Long-Term Relationship

So Joan, how does one keep the romance and passion alive in a long-term relationship?

Passion and romance, two of my favorite things to talk about.

First of all, in order to keep any type of passion and romance alive, you have to have it there to begin with because I work with couples where they really did not have passion and romance and they kept trying to get it, they kept trying to make it happen and if  wasn’t ever there, they could not access it but, if you have it or if you once had it and then you want to, let’s say, recreate it, or breathe life into it again, then, you simply begin to appreciate what it is that is really in your heart about your partner. You start with that sense of like “Wow! Who is this person? Why did I get together with them to begin with? What was it that drew me to them? And if I remember that and I remember to communicate my appreciation for who they are, that immediately lifts them up and makes them want to, let’s say, bring more of that into the relationship.

I think it is also we have to keep the passion alive in ourselves, we have to like, almost romance, the Beloved, let’s say, in ourselves. For instance, today I went for a swim and that is one of the ways I keep my own passion alive because, if I am not doing my yoga or swimming or walking or doing something where I feel really alive, what can I bring to my partner?

So that is one of the main things too, is to make sure that we keep ourselves passionately alive in what we love to do, and make sure that we bring that to the relationship, and then to really discover what is it that turns our partner on, and to bring that in as much as we possibly can. Because when they really feel loved, when our partner really feels loved and valued by us and seen by us, then he or she wants to show up in a way that also really nourishes us.

So pick that, I call it like that endless figure 8, know where the energy goes up, the energy comes back, the energy goes up, the energy comes back, I have to make sure I am putting enough energy into myself personally so that I keep my passion alive as does my partner and then we bring that to one another in a way that is truly a gift.

The Importance of Foreplay

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 The Importance of Foreplay

So how important is foreplay?

Foreplay, fore-play… well let’s start there, let’s start with foreplay as a way of playing to bring the energy out because we all know that when we play with each other, I mean really having fun, then we giggle, we laugh, the energy really is able to flow in our body and that is what we want to be able to do, I mean, foreplay usually is associated with sex. So if we create this wonderful environment before we have sex where we really playing and laughing and having fun and enjoying the experience of touching one another’s body lovingly, in a way we both really, really enjoy, that really is nourishing and delightful and delicious, that is passionate and wonderful, then the experience, the whole experience is going to be a wonderful one for both partners.

So foreplay is extremely important as a way of setting a tone or setting an energy, lets say, so that when we come into that place where we actually bring our bodies together in this wonderful act of sexual pleasure that we are ready for, we are ready to have that intimate, deep experience with one another because we are laughing, we are playing, we are having a good time, we are enjoying one another, we are enjoying one another’s company, we are enjoying one another’s bodies and that way the experience itself will be one that truly is a gift for both partners.

Helping Others Live up to their True Potential

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Helping Others Live up to their True Potential

How do you help others live up to their true potential?

By mirroring back as clearly as I can what I see in others, because I think that it often happens that other people can see the potential in you more times than you can see in your self. And if we look and are just able to encourage one another to be, just to be who we are, because basically our full potential is in letting go of any of the ways in which we feel constricted or not enough or uptight, let’s say, and being able to relax and just simply be, and some people are maybe naturally shy, naturally funny, naturally wise, but whatever it is that we see or feel in that person, if we can invite it out, we can really go “wow! I like that part of you, it is so beautiful.” and just invite more of that out, so if we can really genuinely appreciate what we do in others and let them know what we appreciate, then that encourages them to be more of that and that basically what I would do, that is, encourage the person to be who they really are as fully as they can be it, and that brings more of them into the world and for all of us.

Why do People have So Many Challenges with Love ?

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Why do People have So Many Challenges with Love ?

Why do people have so many challenges with love?

I think that if we weren’t loved, really loved as children, we really have not felt really loved, then it is difficult sometimes to know what love is. We had perhaps the quality, if what we thought was love in our families, was really criticism or blame or various kinds of people, let’s say, saying things to each other that were not kind, then we do not have a model for what love really is.

What we need in order to be able to have love in our lives is first of all, we need to know that we are worthy of being loved. So if there is any part of us that feels like we are unworthy, and I have so many people say to me like, “in a certain sense I just feel like a worthless piece of shit”, so if we feel that way, if that kind of what is going on inside, then what is going to happening is that, we are going to see that somehow outside, we are going to be seeing what is inside of us somehow modeled outside of us. We are going to project whatever is in us, outside.

So, the first place to look actually is really what is going on deep within us, how good do we feel about ourselves, how happy are we as human beings just with ourselves, and how worthy of love do we feel. All of those things, and if we are really a loving human being and we really feel good about ourselves then we know that we have a lot of love to give and a lot of love to receive, then, most likely, love will come, then it is just a matter of finding the right fit, because love is all around us all the time, I think a lot of what we are really looking for is where is the fit?

So first of all, we have to do our own personal work and make sure we are open to love and we are not blocking up in some way and then we just have to be clear on what is the fit and who is going to work in my life, and keep refining that until it shows up.

So many of us are Searching for Love and yet Challenged to find it

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So many of us are Searching for Love and yet Challenged to find it

There are so many books, courses, theories and advice on how to meet someone, why is it so common that so many of us are searching for love yet are challenged to find it?

Love is actually all around us all the time. So, the first place to find it is wherever it really is and that could be in the eyes of your friend or your co-workers, depending on what kind of job you have, but certainly, love is actually, we are all wanting to love more, we are actually wanting to give our love and feel it received. And I think that it is really a lot of times about receiving love, it is like, are we really able to receive love when it is been given?

So that would be one place to start to look if how well can I really receive love? Am I able to really feel the love that is in my life right now? And if I am blocking it in some way, how am I blocking it?

Because there is nothing but love in this universe really, even though people are sometimes very unskillful at the way in which they are trying to give love, but, most people actually want to love and be loved and so if you know that and you approach everyone with that understanding, then you start to feel more of that love coming towards you and you start to maybe see the places where you may unconsciously block love. You start to let more in, and the more love you let in the more love comes towards you because wow there is a place where love can come in, whoosh, and suddenly there is so much love in your life that you do not know what to do. And of course that is a good problem.

It is Important for us to Open to Our Sensuality

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It is Important for us to Open to Our Sensuality

Why is it important for us to open to our sensuality?

It is very important to open to our sensuality because it is who we are. And as time goes on there is a tendency for many people to shut down their connection to their sensuality and their connection to their aliveness. Sensuality and aliveness are almost synonymous.

And so what we want to do is being able to find out how much we are enjoying life and if we are not enjoying life very much, there is a very good chance that our sensual awareness has been shut down in some way. So I highly encourage people to do a check in and ask yourself how much are you enjoying life? And if you are not, you may want to investigate how much you are really feeling your environment, maybe your environment is not giving you a desire to want to connect, that is a very important piece and if you do not have an environment that is welcoming for you to feel your aliveness in terms of your home, your bedroom, where you live in the world, you may want to look into that because sensuality is life and it is your life. So why not turn up the volume on it and make it all it can be?

How does a Woman stay Open to her Feminine Energy when making the Major Financial Contribution ?

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How does a Woman stay Open to her Feminine Energy when making the Major Financial Contribution ?  

How does a woman stay in her feminine receiving energy when she is making majority of the financial contributions in the relationship?

For a woman to be able to stay in her feminine receiving energy she needs to feel held in the arms of the masculine, let’s say, she needs to be held by his energy. And if he is truly contributing everything that he can contribute, then she will feel that contribution. It may not come in the form of as much money, but, it will come in the form of her feeling completely uplifted and supported in just the way that she needs to be by a man. And if a woman genuinely needs a man that is making the same amount of money that she is making in order to feel that there is an equal contribution then, she needs to be able to talk to him and really communicate what those needs are.  If she feels that maybe he has the capacity to contribute more, let’s say, financially than what he is contributing.

But, very often it boils down to, it is really not about the money, it is really about the contribution each person is making and which, when both people feel they are equally contributing to a relationship, there is an equanimity and there is harmony and there is balance and that really allows the peace that we need and for a woman to really relax and go from there.

When the Woman makes more Money than her Man, she has a Problem Feeling Feminine

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When the Woman makes more Money than her Man, she has a Problem Feeling Feminine 

How does a woman stay in her feminine receiving energy when she is making the majority of the financial contributions in the relationship?

I think whoever is making the majority of the financial contributions in the relationship, has a tendency to feel, how should I say it, to want to know that their partner is really fully on board with them. And particularly when a woman is making the financial contribution, she really needs to feel that the man that she is with, is stepping up to the plate in all the ways that he can. Because it is not as much as about money, although that is, it kind of sometimes comes down to, but it is really is about the quality of energy that we exchange. And if the man is a hundred percent on board and is really supporting that woman the whole way that she needs to be supported and she feels that “wow, I have someone in my life that is nurturing me and supporting me in all the ways that I need that”, then she can relax and that is really what it is about. For her to be in her feminine energy, she needs to be able to relax to feel aah, so if she is making most of the money, then the way for her to be able to relax and for her to be feminine is to know that the man she is with is giving to her all that he possibly can, is loving her in all the ways that he can love her, and is truly supporting her in the very ways that she needs to be supported, then she can relax.

What is Tantra ?

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What is Tantra ?

So what is Tantra?

Tantra, as it is practiced in America, in the west, is basically praying with the body.

It is a way of harmonizing our sexually energies in a way that creates a much bigger conversation in terms of how much pleasure we feel, and it is a way of creating more respect and reverence for the sexual energy in its way to actually work with.  That is a tool for waking up, not only waking up down there but waking up our whole bodies in a consciousness to a more integrated way of bring a sexual being.

I Feel controlled by threats, what do i do ?

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I feel controlled by threats, what do I do?

Whoever my boyfriend disapproves of, he then tells me he is going to see someone like an ex-girlfriend or go off to Brazil and have sex with anyone he wishes and I feel totally controlled by his threats but I do not want to be. What can I do?
Well, I would just say, first of all, really look at what you really want to do. The most important thing is seeing what is it that is in your heart that you really want, and if you are wanting to connect with someone that is dear to you and that is nourishing to you to first of all be able to perhaps communicate to him what is the value of getting together with whoever it is that you want to get together with.
I think it would be important to let him know why it is that you want to get together with that person and then if you have been able to communicate adequately what your need is in being able to see this person and he is still not willing, let’s say, if he is still wanting to control your actions rather than support you in moving in a direction that is nourishing to you, there needs to come a time in which you really look and see, am I going to be my own person and really move in a direction that has heart and meaning to me, to be able see the people that I want to see, to be able to talk to the people that I want to talk to, or, am I going to be in a relationship in which all of my actions are controlled by another person? And which of these two things really has more value to me.
Now, perhaps for a while you might want to be in a relationship in which you are controlled by another person, but probably over the long run, it is not going to be nourishing to you because the truth is that unless we really are in integrity with our Self, unless we are following what has heart and meaning to us, unless we allow ourselves to be guided towards the things that open our heart and of course friendship, being able to be with friends, that being able to be with people we love is very nourishing.
So I would say really allow yourself to feel into what nourishes you most and move in that direction.

The Inner Beloved

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The Inner Beloved

Can you talk about this concept of an Inner Beloved? What dies that mean?

The Inner Beloved is that part of us that will never leave us, that will never die because it is truly who we are. Inside all we are is love. That is the bottom of every person, every plant, every animal, it is the essence of who we are.

And so, when we contact that within ourselves, when we actually start to recognize this inner love, this Inner Beloved that lives within us, that gives us, then we can bring that essence, the essence of that out, into our lives, into the world. Part of the way that we can start to know it and I call it Romancing The Beloved, that’s really contacting the Inner Beloved, is how do we treat ourselves? Are we really aware of, let’s say we needed to rest, do we give ourselves rest? Or, let’s say, the creative kind of like impulse comes through, do we honor that creative impulse? Or if we get a signal that I should not go there, do we really honor that? Do we honor our intuition? Do we honor our guidance? Do we really take good care of our bodies? Are we really, let’s say, attending to the signals of what we really need to eat, ways we really need to move our bodies in order to feel good?

So they can start to tell if we are attendants, let’s say, to the Romancing the Beloved in ourselves. Do we even look at how we care for ourselves and in that same way that we care for ourselves? It is the same way we are going to be able to care for someone else.

Suggestions on how couples can stop fighting

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Suggestions on how couples can stop fighting

Can you give some suggestions on how couples can stop fighting? How to make love instead of war?

A very good idea. Normally we fight because we need something that we are not, we feel we are not getting, and so if we are not feeling heard or understood or respected or appreciated or valued or something, very often we go about trying to get our needs met by demanding it, by fighting, by criticizing, by blaming and those kinds of things lead to an interaction that is usually very painful for both people, and we do not even arrive at getting out needs met.

So in order to stop fighting, first of all, we have to become present, we have to become aware of what we feel and what we need, because, always underneath the feeling, are needs, are real genuine needs, we all have the same needs, we all have the same needs for love and respect and appreciation and closeness and cooperation.

However, the way in which we go about trying to make those happen, the different strategies we have, sometimes differ. So it is wonderful when actually a couple can start to feel that actually we are allies, we are really allies in this process of being together and what we want to be able to do is communicate our feelings and our needs in a way that is respectful and then become allies at finding out how can we create a strategy that works for both of us, that ultimately meets the needs that we both have.

So with that genuine desire to bring respect and cooperation into a partnership and become allies, I think that is a really good start, and from there, one should feel loved and supported and nurtured in this beautiful alliance with your partner, you want to make love with them because that is a natural part of who we are.

Suggestions for someone who has been truly hurt in a past relationship

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 Suggestions for someone who has been truly hurt in a past relationship

For those who have been truly hurt, hurt-hurt, who have tried to close the door on love, what can you suggest for them and what message do you have for them?

I do not think I know anyone who has not been hurt sometime in the process of wanting to give love or receive love. Because we all have a deep need to give love and to have that love be received. And also to be able to receive the kind of love that really opens our heart and helps us feel safe and loved.

So, when that has gone awry, when we have either missed the mark or somebody else has missed the mark in being able to love us the way that we want to be loved, then, generally, it is natural to just close down for a while because we need to pull in and we need to kind of feel into what happened. But the question really to ask is what happened right there? Not that ‘oh, I was hurt and I destroyed that and I have a right to feel this way’, of course, we all have a right, we all just simply feel having the right, we feel hurt when we feel hurt.

But, the real question to ask is what really happened here, what can I learn from it? How can I grow from it? Because if I keep my heart shut down, I am going to hurt anyway and there is no way that I am ‘not’ going to hurt, I am going to hurt if my heart stays closed. And if I open my heart again, I might again, someone might miss the mark, someone might not love me the way that I wish they would, someone might not return the love that I give them in a way that I hope for.

However, what is else is there to do but to continue to open our hearts and to continue to learn and grow because every single time we do grow from an experience of having missed the mark or someone missed the mark with us. Then we gain a piece of ourselves, we are not really losing what we, let’s say this, question, to discover more about how can I love more successfully? How can I become a more loving person myself? Is there some way in which I pushed this person away unconsciously? Do I have a pattern that really does not work in relationships?  What is it?

So the more I can learn about that the more I can be successful when I go into a love relationship, I believe everyone ultimately can be successful in having the quality of love in their lives if they want.

We just have to be willing to take a look each time something happens and be willing to take another chance.

The Power Of Decrees

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The Power Of Decrees

Aloha. This is Tomas Heartfield. And we are going to show you how to decree in just a moment.

And I wanted to just let you know I have been decreeing for about thirty five years now. And it has been a big part of my life. It has been an elegant way for me to take my personal experience and connect it to all that is, to the macrocosm that makes up this whole universe, is also embedded in my personal experience.

So affirmations are wonderful, prayers are wonderful, they are all great. But decreeing, it gets your life energy connected to your words and your awareness as you look out into, let’s say, the kingdom of your life and what is required for you to have a deeper connection with that life energy.

Decreeing is a way of bringing in the macrocosm in a way that you feel this unification of forces that are conspiring to making your life more wonderful.

So, when we start to decree it is really important to assemble all of our shakti, our chi, our life energy and really get inside ourselves and get clear on what your decree is going to be. You may want to write it down and really get familiar with the words because you are going to say them three times to set it in motion. So we start off with the affirmation that we normally use which is:

“God and Goddess”, we love this because it brings the masculine principle and the feminine principle into harmony, so:

“In the name of God and Goddess and all that is and under the Law of Grace, aaah”

What is that about?

Well that is about bringing in something better in case you do not have the whole picture. You are to leave room for the universe to co-inspire with you.

So under the Law of Grace, I decree. So what is my decree for the day?

So, living in the real new moon right now, I am so away of this fiery energy that I have, to have the courage to access my creative genius. So that is exactly what my decree is going to be.

“I decree that I will have the courage to access my creative genius.”

“In the name of God, Goddess and all that is under the Law of Grace I decree that I will have the courage to access my creative genius.”

“In the name of God, Goddess and all that is under the Law of Grace I decree that I will have the courage to access my creative genius.”

 

So be it and so it is.

And then I just let it go.

Aloha from Tomas

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Aloha from Tomas

Sending love and aloha to you from the cliffs of Whalom down below our house in Maui that opens so beautiful.

You can barely hear me, it is so alive down here today, but, we could not resist sending a little of this Maui your way because it is filling our tanks.

We are so grateful.

We send our love to you and the blessing of this amazing – amazing day, hopefully right into your heart.

Muuuah.

Tomas and his Cucumber project

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 Tomas and the cucumber project

It is another great year for cucumbers. These are my pride and joy. My beautiful oriental cucumbers… This is amazing, I mean I get bushels out of this little ten by two foot wide.

These little Chinese cucumbers are just, oh my God, look at them, they are just huge and they are so delicious.

By the end of the summer they will be way up there. Look at these little guys, they are just cruising.

And then this year I grew out Armenian cucumber, look at this guy! Amazing!

So, lot of my friends get a lot of cucumbers over the summer and, they are delicious. So I just wanted to show you my delicious cucumbers.

You come by, I will give you one.

Joan and Danielle talk about ‘Romancing The Beloved’

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 Joan and Danielle talk about ‘Romancing The Beloved’

So, this is Joan’s book “ROMANCING THE BELOVED, A SACRED SEXUAL ADVENTURE INTO LOVE” and as I said, I have read this three times, it was quite an adventure, it takes us on quite an adventure. And you have this life that is like the dream life, you have a husband, the house, the career that is taking off and then you find yourself in the Amazons and you meet this stranger and you guys have this erotic, spiritual amazing, sexual connection that changed your whole life… basically, changed everything. What was going on in the Amazons? Who was that?

I still look at that with awe and gratitude because it was something that happened in that spiritual, sexual, heart consciousness awakening that I had never experienced before; I had fairly good sex but mostly I lived with my heart up because it just felt like, ugh, there is something missing. So when I actually had this experience with Tomas, and sitting opposite him and seeing, seeing him shift, seeing him change, seeing him with his High Self, his God Self, his Divine Self, literally come through him and look into my eyes, and I felt something happening within me and also with me, and to speak to me, actually awoke within me and it began to speak with me and told me exactly what to do. I felt so calm, I knew that everything had been almost like prearranged, and so, I trusted him, I trusted this experience because it was so profound and it came from the inside. But it did change everything forever after that.

And so, changing everything forever is not easy. You really completely threw everything out just based on this one experience that was really your launch pad to everything. But how did you keep it together and what really guided you throughout all those changes, how did you know what to do? Because I know it was not always easy.

No, not at all. And that voice that came in at that time and it began speaking to me, continued to speak to me, since we were long distance for two years. And I really did not know what to do; I really did not know if we were ever going to be together again. So over that period of time we were beginning to know each other, we were having a chance to talk and really I was being guided in every moment and as it turns out, Tomas was too.

So I learned to trust that voice. I wrote to the Beloved, I learned to call it the Beloved, with a capital B, and the Beloved wrote right back to me and give me suggestions and tell me exactly what to do. I came to a very, how do I say, grateful state of simply learning to listen and trust this voice which was in my heart.

So, it was a time of profound deepening for me in my most spiritual practice as well as really learning to trust this profound sexual awakening that had happened within me and allowed me to know that this passion center when it connected with the heart and connected with our consciousness is a force to be reckoned with.

Thank you.

And this is book should be a hot sexy wild adventure and also a huge teaching book and it is one of my favorite things about it.

So thank you for sharing.