Advice for Newlyweds
By Tomas and Joan Heartfield, Ph.D.
You’ve found the perfect person to share a life together. Jerome finds Sally the most enticing, beautiful, witty, sexy, creative woman he has ever known. Sally finds Jerome to be the most handsome, loving, considerate, sensitive and perfect man she has ever known. When they look at each other the stars in the sky seem to brighten considerably. When they make love their passion consumes any doubts that this will be a marriage made in heaven. The wedding bells ring, the wine is drunk, the pictures capture the timeless moment. The cake is eaten and those beautiful wedding gifts are opened and the lovers ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after. Right? We hope so.
The truth is maintaining love and passion is a practice. In the art of love it is very important to realize you have signed up for a very important job. Keeping love alive requires more than a few blessings. It requires an awareness of how very fragile love is in the beginning. Every thought, word and gesture either makes love grow or dims its brightness. In the language of love there are five (at least) ways of expressing it. They are:
2. Quality time
3. Words of acknowledgement
4. Acts of service
Learn your partners primary and secondary love language and make it a practice to give love in a way they can feel and receive it. A woman who needs quality time to feel appreciated will not do very well with a workaholic husband who showers her with gifts to make up for his lack of attention. A man who needs acts of service and physical touch will deeply feel appreciated with that steaming cup of coffee in the morning and some snuggles before he goes to work in the morning. To take the love profile test email firstname.lastname@example.org for a free copy. It’s worth the effort and will get your relationship off to a flying start.
Communicate lovingly from your hearts. Practice the art of listening deeply to each other. Nothing keeps romance alive like being heard. Cultivate the art of conversation. Explore each other’s minds. Appreciate your partner’s point of view. When s/he shares with you let her/him know what s/he has to say is important enough to you to turn the TV off. If you are in a hurry and something important wants to be shared, make a date for uninterrupted sharing.
Take care of yourself. Be responsible for your health, attitudes and positive energy. This is vital to a healthy relationship. Eat well, get some exercise daily and connect with nature. If you have emotional baggage from the past, take responsibility to clear it.
Go Vertical. Find a way that feels comfortable for both of you to recognize a higher power in your life and use prayer, meditation, ceremony and sacred intentioning to align yourselves with something greater than your personal needs.
Most of all choose to enjoy your life together. Love is a journey. Explore it fully!